Waking Up

Lately, I’ve been trying to solve the mystery of who is the person that keeps waking up in my bed in the mornings. It’s not me. I like to get up early, get a decent start on the day, and never over-indulge on sleep. But the person who wakes up in my bed is different. He likes to sleep-in until the last possible moment. He’s pathologically addicted to sleep, demanding as much of it as he can get.

The dangerous part, is that he can expertly de-activate the alarm before I’ve become conscious enough to stop him. He’s quick with numbers (further evidence that he is not me!), and can precisely calculate the latest possible minute that sleep is possible, leaving just barely enough time afterwards to get ready and make my first engagement. 

I’ve tried reasoning with him. I am determined to find his weakness. So far, I have discerned that it is not food. Buying the ingredients for an amazing breakfast, but one that requires some time to prepare, was unsuccessful, since he still opts for the sleep and a faster bowl of cereal afterwards. I’ve also tried humiliation. Before going to bed, I tell a few people what time I hope to be awake. When I oversleep that time by a few hours, it is highly embarrassing! I guess he doesn’t care much what people think, howevcr, because that also didn’t work.

If you have any ideas for how to negotiate with this person that keeps waking up in my bed, please pass them on! I’m desperate!