Unjust Illness

Why do bad things happen to good people? It’s a question that I’ve heard thrown around a lot, to the point that it’s become a sour cliche. From my privileged, charmed perspective, the question only ever had theoretical relevance; it was a scientific wondering about the physics of cosmic justice. For the first time, I asked this same question today in a different way.

This afternoon I met with four patients who have been living with chronic illness. Each of them had a remarkable story to tell: of fear and courage, pain and comfort, dehumanization and dignity. They struggle with illness every day, every hour – whether it’s giving themselves insulin injections after meals, or spending three mornings per week in the hospital for dialysis, or living in constant fear of a tumour spreading. The patients that I met were amazingly resilient, and had developed methods to cope. But each of them had needed to adjust their expectations for their own lives. Especially with regards to work, diet, and partners.

Our objective this afternoon was to develop an appreciation for “illness” – the patient’s perceptions and experiences of disease. Everybody experiences disease differently, and it’s important to place disease within the context of a patient’s worldview and values. An overriding message from the patients today was that physicians often fail to do that. We don’t hear their stories; their explanations for why they suffer and how their illness fits into their overall story.

And illness can re-paint everything about people’s stories. It can change how they feel about themselves and their self-worth. It can bring crushing stigma upon them. It can test their relationships, sometimes beyond breaking point.

So I left asking, why do such illnesses happen to such people? And this time it was a question of despairing uncertainty. How can such injustice exist? Why do some people have to suffer so much in this life? Why do I have so many free choices about my life, while others have few?