Longing

The following is an experiment with writing. Tell me whether you think it was effective, or if it just made you confused. The goal was to stir up sounds, images, smells, and feelings. Did it work? 

 

Foamy waves lap between my toes, tenderly grasping at the indifferent sand. It’s cold, and a drab mist rises from the sea, swirling and searching. A guitar is my companion, so I murmur lines of wistful, melancholy tunes. They’re lost to the barren wind, which comes in isolated, desperate gusts; smelling of salt. Somewhere down the shore a lonesome toad croaks. His appeal is received by none, except the stars overhead. They seem close - somehow, deceptively attainable. But they remain unimaginably distant. I lay the guitar down, and breathe in the thick hush around me.

Sometimes, on nights like this, I can feel you. Quietly, unsought, you come with the stillness. Your warmth presses against me; your voice whispers softly at my neck. I hold my breath and my heart skips a beat. Your touch sends a flush, and a shiver across my skin. Your lips brush delicately on mine. And with a wisp of the wind, you’re gone, the taste of your kiss still tingling.

And then I am alone again with the sea. Darkness chills through me and a cloud covers the moon. I’m choked with a heavy longing for you. I stretch a hand to the night sky, and bring it back empty. Slowly, purposefully, I pick up the guitar again to sing you a lullaby. It is heard by only the lonesome toad, and the passing wind.

So, You Want to be a Surgeon?

I found this resource published by the American College of Surgeons. If any of my readers, like me, are wondering about surgery, then click the image above to read through this guide. It’s targeted towards clerks, but even as an almost med. student I found it useful. 

First it outlines some of the traits that make a good surgeon. These include a love for anatomy, comfort with three-dimensional imagery, a willingness to work long hours, and team leadership ability. Surgeons are the ones that want to physically “get in there” and “fix it”. It also dispels the myths that surgeons need unusual dexterity - surgeons are trained, not born - or that they must sacrifice their personal lives for the job.

Especially useful was the explanation of surgical specialties. There are explicit descriptions of what kind of patients each speciality deals with, what training is required for each specialty, and testimonies from current practitioners about what a career is like in that discipline. 

On a personal note, this resource reinforced my desire to explore general surgery as an option for my residency. General surgeons perform a broad variety of procedures, and have the benefit of taking on diverse cases. They also get management for operations that involve multiple body-systems, like major trauma victims. In smaller communities, often a general surgeon is the only surgeon around, and hence serves an immensely valuable role.

Orientation Week Schedule

Just recently, the class of 2011 (the one above us) released the schedule for the orientation week that they’ve been planning for us! It looks like an eclectic mix of fun activities, an introduction to the school and its academics, and even already some time in lectures and labs. The fun activities include a med. school olympics, a dance, barbeque at the Dean’s house, movie night, pub crawl, and a boat race on lake Ontario!

This week will also involve meeting our first patient: the cadaver that will be helping us to learn anatomy. After a memorial service for the people that have donated their bodies to this purpose, we have six hours scheduled during which time we’ll be looking at the thoracic cavity, lungs, and pleura. Now that’s diving into the deep end - couldn’t we start with the hand, or a shoulder or something? 

During orientation week we begin a program-long study of the history of medicine. Instead of being a distinct class, Queen’s teaches the history of medicine fully integrated with the curriculum. So as you study pharmacology, you may have a lecture about its history. During O-week we actually have an assignment that should help us get started on the right foot for history. In groups, we study the contributions of some well-known doctors and decide whether they were ‘heroes’ or ‘villains’. The lesson is that each of them is neither, or both. Historical judgement is warped by the subjective perspective that we view it from. That’s an important lesson for analyzing the past, and for questioning our current dogma.

So I’m looking forward to a packed, thrill-ride, inspirational week! Oh, and did I mention that I have to move mid-way through it? Heh heh … should be fun!

The Dark Knight

[WARNING: SPOILERS WITHIN] [WARNING 2: THIS POST JUST FOR FUN]

Welcome to Gotham City. You know it well. It’s the city that you sometimes imagine you live in. Especially on those nights when it’s dark and cold outside, and you’ve got a long walk home. Alone. The scummy hell of a place where everyone is either a crook or a victim. You’re not a crook, right? Which makes you the victim. Keep a tight grip on your wallet. Don’t go down any dark alleys. Don’t even glance. Look tough, and walk on by.

Shh!! What’s that sound? Like laughing… no, cackling! There!! Beneath the fire escape! A twisted soul; scarred, and discoloured. The Joker - his hair an unsightly mess, wearing a contorted wicked grin, and with madness dripping from that leering, sickening laugh. One silently wonders whether the Joker’s insanity betrays the emotional state of an underlying actor who would later overdose on prescribed insomnia medicine. How much is performance? Regardless, an eerily convincing performance it is. Scared yet? You should be - he’s looking right at you. No point in running. This villain moves on animalistic impulse. He claims to never plan; he “just does”. But somehow bombs keep getting planted, and creepy clown-thugs placed in convenient watches. Actually, whole hospitals and ferry-boats get rigged. Impressive for a guy that never plans. Oh ya, and once things are going his way, he’ll exclaim maniacally that it was all according to plan! Hmm, now there’s a true anarchist.

Enter Rachel Dawes. More than a pretty face, this independently thinking woman has an important decision to make. That’s right, just one. Which man to pick. Gosh, that’s a tough one. Wouldn’t want the wrong decision made, maybe it’s best to blow her up before she has the chance! Now, that leaves zero independent actions for this female character. Which begs the question: would it have been cheaper just to hire a life-size woman doll? But then there’d be less companionship for the other female cast members. Which ones? Well, the nameless wife and mother of two, and that masculinized butch of a female cop. Here’s an easy solution to the gender imbalance: cast Rachel as a lawyer. Instantly, that adds so much breadth to her character. Phew!

But you and the mindless Ms. Dawes are saved!! Swoosh! POW, POW!!! Explosions all round! Oh, and of course, an absolutely thrilling car-chase that demolishes most of the vehicles on the road (Gotham City’s unique solution to curbing greenhouse gases). Now the Joker makes our hero choose between saving only one of two hapless innocents. But our guy’s a pro at indecision - somehow he always manages to save them both (well, except where it really mattered with Rachel). Batman is your penultimate superhero. He flies; all superheroes must fly, even if aided by webs or wings. He’s got brawn, sweet gadgets for when brawn is insufficient, a gruff sexy voice, and a mild-mannered alter-ego. Best of all, he’s a total loner. That’s a job requirement. All heroes must be tragically misunderstood.

Great movie! Absolutely loved it!

Rihanna: Good Girl Gone Bad

For months now, I’ve stubbornly resisted buying this album. During that time, it has been topping the iTunes charts and is played incessantly across the radio. Everyone has heard it, and most listeners have a strong opinion about it one way or the other. So finally, I can ignore it no more - I caved and bought it.

A paradoxical album, some of its tracks have an addictive, driving beat that has me turning up the volume and moving to the pulse. Others, like ‘Umbrella’, are so unbearably annoying and unmusical that I can hardly bear to listen to them. 

No one can deny that the album has variety. There are club-style dance tracks in ‘Don’t Stop the Music’ and ‘Push Up On Me’. The vocals of ‘Lemme Get That’ are mostly rapped, while ‘Good Girl Gone Bad’ sounds more like pop of the generic “soft-rock” radio variety. ‘Shut Up and Drive’ (great track!), has rock guitars and drums. All of this from an artist whose previous albums were criticized for lacking versatility. No more!

It’s true - there’s some lack of musicality here. The melodies aren’t impressive for their own sake, and the tracks are driven mostly by a strong rhythm section. But, credit must be given for certainly showing much improvement over Rihanna’s previous albums. 

My conclusion: it’s a worthwhile album! If you can avoid those few tracks that will drive you insane, the rest is a really good listen.

TED Talk: Keith Barry

This was an entertaining TED Talk, if you like magical illusions!

Morality Beyond Legalism

Although it’s been released for almost a decade, I only just saw the movie ‘The Cider House Rules’.

I found the movie engaging, thought-provoking, and tasteful, but inconclusive. It’s a coming-of-age story - a genre that I am consistently drawn to. I am moved deeply by stories that tell of lost childhood innocence and the subtle discovery of evil and mortality. Growing up is falling from grace, departing from Eden. A quote from the movie:

Adolescence, is it the first time in life we discover that we have something terrible to hide from those who love us?

In ‘The Cider House Rules’, Homer’s place of innocence is one with ideals. He follows a moral code that is absolute. After setting out from an orphanage to “discover the world”, Homer’s moral philosophy becomes fuzzier. He lands himself in twisted situations where he is forced to break his ideals to “do the right thing”.

In the apple orchard’s cider house where Homer works, a set of rules nailed to the wall serves as a metaphor for the absolute moral code implemented from above. The cider house rules are often irrelevant and unhelpful. A single set of rules lacks any versatility to function within the changing complexities of real-world decisions. One character says of them:

Well, someone who don’t live here made those rules. Those rules ain’t for us. We are supposed to make our own rules. And we do. Every single day. 

The message is one that I agree with - that morality must go far beyond an absolute list of rules or ideals. There exist decisions that have no right answer, with which legalism will be useless. We need something else guiding our decisions for when the rules aren’t appropriate.

What’s missing from the movie (why I said it was inconclusive), is a suitable alternative to legalism. What then, should we base a moral philosophy upon? Homer opts for civility, generally trying to do what is useful and beneficial for those around him. But I find that somewhat flakey, because whose benefit comes first, and what is considered useful?

When up against a moral dilemma, what guides your decision? Do you follow an absolute set of rules; do you believe that it is possible to do so? What’s the magnet pulling your moral compass?

Intro to Paramedicine

Recently I helped a future classmate move to Kingston. She is a paramedic herself, and so were a few of the others helping. Thus I had the opportunity to, very briefly, learn a few small things about paramedicine!

Paramedics work hard! They are scheduled for twelve hours at a time, which can become longer when calls come late in the shift. The medics that I was talking to work in Toronto, where they tell me that the calls come frequently with little time between. The job can also be physically demanding, for example carrying stretchers or doing CPR compressions.

One thing that struck me, was how confident these paramedics have become at performing procedures that strike me as terrifying! One of them told me how easy he found it to intubate a patient in the hospital after practicing the procedure in the field under more difficult conditions. Having no clinical experience myself, I was in awe of their competence and confidence!

It seems that there is a frustrating amount of bureaucracy that goes back and forth between paramedics and hospitals. Medics are required to stay with a patient until they are given a hospital bed in the ER. Lacking space and staff, the hospitals abuse this policy by putting patients into an “offload delay” that locks the paramedics into looking after the patient so that the ER staff doesn’t have to. More than one of the people I talked with said that hospital bureaucracy is their least favorite part of the job.

It was a huge pleasure to meet these professionals! It will be very many years before I even begin to learn some of the skills and knowledge that these people have acquired through experience and training.

My First Stitches

I had hoped that a post titled ‘My First Stitches’ would describe the first sutures knotted by my own hand, probably on a raw chicken breast or a banana for practice. Fortunately, life has a sense of humour! So - you guessed it - the title of this post refers to my first stitches received, not given.

While volunteering at a kids camp near Sauble Beach this week, I was helping in the kitchen when I slipped with a pizza cutter and gave myself a nice gash at the base of my left thumb. It was really exceedingly brilliant on my part to be cutting towards my own hand! But that is a realization that can only be made in hindsight. Of course, the accident occurred while making the final cut to the final tray of peanut crunch bars.

Although thin and clean, the cut was deep and refused to stay closed. So, we took a trip to the ER in Owen Sound. On this particular day another patient had been brought in with spinal injuries after being trapped under a hay bale. Understandably, the ER docs were thus occupied until the patient was flown to London for treatment by a trauma team.

When finally reached, my turn was largely anticlimactic. The numbing needle wasn’t very painful, only four stitches were needed, and the cut is already neatly closed and healing (see picture). I did get to watch closely, and ask a few questions about the suturing! One surprise was the amount of blood involved - each suture drew two new flowers of blood from the poke holes. Now with the cut almost completely healed over, I can have the stitches out on Friday.

Orientation Package

It’s finally here !!! I’m a child at Christmas time.